Saturday, May 30, 2009

~ Commercial Break ~

Guys are like Iced Tea. Generally chilled out. But lifeless if not chill. Available in a variety of flavours. Best part, they have more of shelf life!


Girls are like Lemon Soda. Bubbling with energy like the soda bubbles! Refreshing n full of life. According to one of the experts - ".. lemon sodas are good at first. And too much is too bad"!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

#2 Attention Please!

HIS Verdict:
Attention Please!

Gal who is a friend: So what do you think about my new dress?

Yours Truly: Oh well, it looks good on you

GWIAF: You like it don’t you? Why don’t you accept it?

YT: It seriously looks good on you

GWIAF: Which means you like it?

YT: Come on I told you it looks nice, is there another form of acknowledgment you look for?

GWIAF: Whatever (in a resigned tone)

There you go. It’s not enough that they remain attention grabbers, gals also want to make sure they look every bit the princess they probably assume they are. Every single new purchase, made to embellish their ears, eyes, nose, hair and body, should be rhetoric of their enhanced beauty. And every single movement should make heads turn.

But where is the surprise element in it? When the entire world is ready to swoon at their pouts, smiles, so on and so forth, who even has the slightest of complaints – other than a few masculinists (a new breed of men (not gay men necessarily) who don’t think all the attention women get in general is simply uncalled for), of course! And doesn’t the world, in its entire entirety, belong to them?

My niece spends not less than an hour in front of the mirror before stepping out. No offense. She needs that to artistically match her accessories with her clothes - after all her pink lipstick has to go with her pink sandals and those pink salwars. The one thing, among many others, I don’t understand about girls is their fixation with matching things from head to toe. And god-forbid, if you showed any disinterest or a mildly lesser version of admiration, you are doomed.

I’m increasingly starting to believe that this is some kind of obsession that will haunt their lives. Like I am willing to believe that they will search for matching accessories to visit a friend in death bed or the one who just got divorced. And I’m not discounting the idea that both the death-bed and divorced friends are accessorized.

Being presentable is one thing but being presentable requires extensive research by nose-diving into cupboards for clothes, matching shawls and trinkets. Studies show that a woman spends at least 30 years of her life in this exercise. Exactly the time I would spend on an afternoon nap!

Well, whoever said ‘the female of the species is more deadly than the male’ has not had it right. It is ‘the female of the species is more fixated in their looks than the male’.

HER Verdict:
Thank you for all your Attention!!

Chubby cheeks, dimpled chin.
Rosy lips, teeth within.
Curly hair, very fair.
Eyes are blue, lovely too.

One of very first poems we learn by heart in kindergarten! The “valuable” inference I draw from the poem is the fact that looking good matters. And we girls do take that seriously!
I humbly accept the following -

1. We girls like attention
2. We want attention
3. We like being pampered
4. We like grooming ourselves and putting on the solah singaar (the ancient sixteen ways to make yourself beautiful)

WE are like that only!! Nature has designed us that way.
*For queries like "Why", "How", kindly contact the architect of the product, the Almighty!

For us, perfection matters. On a normal sunny happy day, the Earrings (and other accessories) should go with the dress we wear!
We do ALL that.

BUT Get Real and Get a life, if you think that's the only whole sole motto of our life!

We would never "search" for a matching accessory to visit a friend in death bed or the one who just got divorced!! That can probably happen in our Ekta Kapoor’s soap but NOT in real life! t's not our obsession but your perception. Being meticulous should not be mistaken for being "Fixated" to looks.

I see so many guys setting their hair all the time!! They just don't miss out even a single chance when they see their refection! Now be that in the middle of the road in front of a car or some reflection in a mall!

And what’s with Goggles?! Afternoon or Evening, the so called “cool n happening dudes” find it cool to wear their un-cool goggles. Few, even sport the colorful shiny ones (The true Mr. India(s) of course!).

If guys use wax for their cars, we use it for a different purpose.
If you take care for your bike, we take care of our skin!
That’s the only difference.

I’ll conclude this post which is on a never ending gender war with a quote, which is so true n profound!

“Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece.”
~ by someone Smart n Anonymous

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

#1 Weddings are boring - Yes and No!

Yes and how:

Figure this: Women draped in heavily sequined designer saris and Kanchivarams with matching accessories and makeup strutting around with a constant hiss. More for displaying the strength of their wardrobes and jewel boxes. The ear-drum-cracking wail of music instruments mixed with the distorted rhythm of drums. Waywardly kids screeching, tearing each other’s hair, and running around frantically in search of nothing.

Amidst all these, two poor souls, sit or stand as the case may be, in a raised platform decorated with flowers and weigh down with the burden of jewels and the future prospects the wedding holds for them in the future.

Not to mention, the torturous and painstaking effort the bride and groom go through in the name of makeover just before the wedding. For the sake of looking photo perfect in the wedding, of course. Photo perfect! That they need to be. For those bulky albums heavy enough to kill somebody if dropped accidently - those are passed onto generations. Well you can’t afford to look bad on your wedding day especially when your wedding photo album is going to be viewed by your grandson’s son, possibly. And yes, the bride and groom have to smile, cramming their facial muscles in the process, through all the hundred thousand photos that are being taken on one single day.

And the elaborate rituals – the poor groom is subjected to the holy smoke for hours together notwithstanding his allergies.

But seriously, who wants a lavish and elaborate wedding if it is not an excuse for both the families to showcase their wealth and relationship circle. The relationship circle, on the other hand, foul-mouth in most cases about the food and the bride/groom’s match or mismatch. In others, sometimes they do praise the chef for spreading out a lavish dinner, go green with jealous at the other woman’s supposedly exquisite piece of necklace.

For all these, and other unmentioned millions of reasons it is not a sin to consider that weddings are boring. Especially the elaborate and lavish ones. We could definitely do without it replacing it with a simple ritual!

No and how:

I must admit at least we, the feminine gender, have some strong inclination for the weddings! (At least, most of us). When it comes to 'Attending a wedding', it surely means LOADS of planning and proper execution of the plan. If you are wondering how, let me explain.

Be it a friend's or a relative's wedding, our preparation starts prior to a fortnight*!
(*Conditions apply - especially when it happens to be the Neighbour's wedding!)
Few points to elaborate on the extra effort we girls put in to make 'Attending a wedding' success!! :D

Dress Selection – What to wear? What not to wear! Or should I try a sari? Which color?
Oh my god! It's so important because so many books are judged by their covers!! :D

Matching Accessories - *Phew*
The Most critical part! Matching Bangles, Earrings, Necklace, and Make up!! No wonder we take so much time grooming ourselves. .. But don't WE love doing all this? :D

Booking the Tickets - If it's an out station wedding. We don't wait till the last minute for the reservations (unlike most of the guys do!)

A visit to the 'Beauty Temple' (Beauty Parlour) before attending an important function is considered to be "Auspicious" by most of the ladies!

With so much of planning and effort put in, how can attending a wedding be Boring?? Well, Even if it does, few tips to make it interesting:

Become the Photographer - Get a camera along. Click photos. Click uncle. Click Aunty. Click all those grandpas, grandmas, kids, flowers, that guy, this girl, whatsoever, whosoever! It certainly helps killing time.

Observe people - Occupy a nice cosy place and observe people.
At the end of the day, you will surely have an account of all those who dig their nose in public, scratch their head and other gestures!

The Food – If you are a 'Foodie', make sure you don't miss this section of the marriage!

Family Reunion? – This tip is applicable only for those who consider themselves social butterflies. PMC ('polite meaningless conversations') with uncles, aunties, grandpa's, grandma's whom u have never seen or even heard for ages can be challenging as well as entertaining.

Look Around - IF are lucky, you might end up seeing some Good looking faces. Let me repeat, ONLY if you are lucky! :)

This reminds me, while doing the same at my friend's sister's wedding, we (me n bunch of crazy friends) ended up spotting a Good looking guy. We made sure we made him uncomfortable by showering unlimited attention! Apparently, that lucky soul, who got embarrassed at the end, happened to be a south Indian film actor (Srikanth). So, do look around.

If you are single and want to remain single, make sure you stay away from the desperate Aunties who come to the weddings only for "Match-Fixing"!

But if you are so sure the wedding is going to be a bore, help yourself by staying away from it!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

So that's up!!!

She talks, he listens, she types, he reads, she laughs, he jokes…it’s not all that bad to be friends with someone whose personality is totally opposite (sex and otherwise). This blog is our attempt to amuse, entertain, surprise, and above all – realize our own extremities. And yes, working for peanuts does help!

Disclaimer: Over and above the usual disclaimers – no offense intended to anybody who is even remotely associated with our (the authors’) life. Readers are at their own risk.